Who do I want to be today?

An unfiltered take of my growing appreciation for the present.

As I write this, I am realizing how long it takes me to start writing because I struggle to slow my mind enough to pick a starting point that will make sense to people not in my mind (so everyone other than me, hopefully.)

Ah, there we go! We have achieved slowing down enough to write.

Today I find myself appreciating the gift of the present.

As an anxious person, I often scan the past on repeat– mostly situations I have regrets about.

In some ways, replaying old situations in my mind affords me opportunities to exist in a reality where those situations went well, or at least better than they did.

This, by the way, I don't believe to be a healthy habit.

I'm just telling you what happens.

This is likely a coping mechanism I developed in childhood.

I've had it for as long as I can remember, and it has had negative implications on how I live in the present.

By spending so much time thinking about what happened yesterday, today, I am evading writing a new chapter of my story.

Because healing requires acceptance of what was, and love of what is.

So what else can I do?

Today I find myself asking,

"Who do I want to be TODAY?"

There is so much freedom in that question. So much weight comes off my shoulders the moment I ask myself that. With that question, yesterday finally comes to an end.

Today I can be a better son, brother, and friend.

Today I can be a better human.

Today I can build a future that I want to be present in.

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