Letting Go.
Letting go is not to care for, but rather to care about.
As someone notorious for hanging onto things, people, and/or situations longer than I should have, letting go has been a lifelong struggle for me.
I find myself in the midst of tackling this issue as we speak, so naturally it may just help to verbalize, or in this case write out, my thought process.
So what does letting go mean to me and why do I avoid it?
Just thinking of the words "let go" creates fear and resistance within me. Okay, so let's zoom out a bit. When I look back at my childhood, I see many instances in which my environment kept changing.
My parents' divorce was long and messy. I did not have a place I could call home as a child because my mom would leave my dad and come back, so she would take myself and my older brother with her every time.
We would go to Mexico, then back to the US, then back to Mexico and so on. Languages, schools, friends, all of that kept changing. My dad was in and out of my life, I rarely saw my mom; all of this created a deep sense of loneliness within me.
So when I came across situations, things, or people that would distract me from being at home and in my head, I would cling to those things for dear life. Because subconsciously I was trying to escape my reality.
I found myself attaching self-worth to all of these things I was holding on to.
Now let's zoom back in. As an adolescent and then adult, I found myself attaching self-worth to all of these things I was holding on to.
These things I could never have control of. So in turn, my self-worth came and went with these different situations. I was always on the lookout for when people might want to leave and became paranoid of being abandoned.
So why would I want to even consider the thought of letting go?
Does that mean I just pretend people don't exist anymore?
Do I just throw everything away?
Do I leave my home?
Fortunately for me, I've had a very good therapist guide me through this very thing.
It's not about running away. It's about not forcing anything.
It's about not carrying weight that isn't yours to carry.
It's about loving yourself enough to leave enough energy to tend to yourself.
You can still be there for your friends, for your family, without taking the weight off their shoulders completely, if you have the energy to spare and want to be there.
Letting go is not to care for, but rather to care about.
I've learned that we don't want to remove struggle from others, we want to remove suffering if we can.
Allowing people to struggle through situations makes them more resilient and more likely to engage future struggles on their own.
Sometimes certain situations are only draining because of an unhealthy dynamic. Walking away is sometimes the best solution for both parties. That's okay too.
Letting go is not to care for, but rather to care about. I still have to remind myself of this from time to time. Remember, this isn't black and white. There is plenty of gray area, and so it's important to check in with yourself every now and again to make sure you are not running yourself into the ground.
So, if you feel pulled towards helping others, follow that gravity. Just make sure you are taken care of first so you don't fall in with the people you are trying to help.
If you read this far, let us know if you have had to let go recently, and how that has worked for you. We’re here to support you.